Mediterranean madness: Wild times on the MDRNTY Cruise's maiden voyage

Ever since Holy Ship burst onto the scene back in 2012, festivals on cruise ships have been a bona fide addition to the annual party circuit. The idea of sailing around on a luxury boat with music pumping and drinks flowing sounds pretty damn attractive and for the last few years, more and more promoters have swapped clubs for cruises.

2017 saw more festivals on the high seas than ever before so we decided to take on the challenge head first and experience the Mediterranean-bound MDRNTY Cruise. Run by the same people behind Caprices Festival, an event held in the Swiss alps with a cream-of-the-crop house and techno line-up, MDRNTY made its maiden voyage on September 16 and five days of madness ensued.

From the outset, the festival had all the promise of a life-changing event. A luxury-liner that started in Genoa before travelling to Barcelona, Mallorca, Ibiza and back again, with stops at each destination to stretch your legs and see the sights. Add to that an all-inclusive supply of booze (yes, the whole time – we'll get to that), as much food as you could manage and a 24-hour, non-stop line-up of music. It had the potential to be the best fucking holiday ever. So was it? On the most part, yes.

The line-up was a serious affair with the likes of Enzo Siragusa, Guti, Sonja Moonear, Dewalta & Shannon all appearing alongside mainstage-sized headliners Sven Väth, Jamie Jones, Dixon and Ben Klock. The acts played across three rooms in the evening: the Ametista stage, a low-ceiling, half-carpeted room that housed about 500 people, the Disco 32 stage, a smaller, similar space at the top of the boat and the Indoor Pool area, a warehouse-style room where the low-end thumped loudest and the majority of people found themselves ending up.

However, it was the outdoor pool stage that was arguably the best place to experience the music. Here, Sonja Moonear delivered some of the best moments of the weekend. Kicking off at 11am, her intricate and commanding set was exactly what the start of the day needed, for both dancers who were fresh into the day and revellers who hadn't slept from the night before. A pitched-up 'Voodoo Ray' by A Guy Called Gerald was the perfect soundtrack for a dance in the sun before Sven Väth made his way onto the top deck for his second set of the weekend.

The night before, Papa played a peak-time set at the Ametista stage that was rammed to the rafters for an all-night Cocoon takeover and although his body language to start with was more subdued than we're used to, he got into his trademark, electric groove eventually. So it was disappointing the next day that Sven's outdoor set had a lot of similar tracks to the one the night before. As such a big draw on the line-up, a lot people will have seen him play twice and felt a little underwhelmed that his sets were so similar. Dana Ruh's performance earlier at the label showcase was the real highlight, with sublime mixing and slamming house and techno, weaved together on vinyl decks with precision.

The FUSE showcase the following day outside was one of the festival's highlights, with 12 hours of the finest bumping grooves and tech-house bangers. The full crew was in force and stand-out sets came from Enzo Siragusa and Archie Hamilton, but the whole crew brought the UK sound to the Mediterranean with class and fervour.

Evening sessions on the boat were a little messier, not only because of the unlimited free bar, but because the stage allocations and programming felt muddled. As mentioned earlier, Sven played in the smaller capacity venue, while less-established albeit impressive acts like Alci, Nima Gorji and Fabe took the reigns in the main room (the latter putting in one of the sets of the trip). This was the case across the five days. Jamie Jones, Ben Klock and Dixon all played at the Ametista and the immediate grandiose of the occasion was lost.

While intimate isn't necessarily a bad thing with these colossal DJs, their performances lost the spark they'd have in a bigger, more frequented venue and as such, the headliners didn't feel like headliners, they felt like DJs who hadn't been given the right platform to play. Dixon and Ben Klock started in second gear but both reached the levels we've come to expect from them and kept punters captivated and engaged throughout. Unfortunately by this point the room, and it's chintzy decor, had become a little boring.

As two days turned into five, the open bar took its toll. 90 per cent of alcoholic drinks were included in the ticket price and served in eyebrow-raising measures. Free-pouring of every spirit imaginable, shots of coffee Patron and intimidating glasses of prosecco made the whole affair a boozy one. Ultimately, the debut of MDRNTY Cruise was a success because of these touches. People who had paid upwards of 900EU (with the most expensive package clocking in at 1700EU) were buzzing. The crowd was happy, engaged and well lubricated with food and drink.

The music didn't stop, the booze didn't stop, the food didn't stop. The sun was shining and excursions to some of Europe's most exciting cities were a welcome break from ship life. Was it a little repetitive? Of course, like any festival gets after that time, you get used to your surroundings and things get a little claustrophobic. It's not for the faint-hearted as it's literally non-stop partying in the confines of a boat, but if that's your bag then you were in for a treat.

Funster is Mixmag's Deputy Digital Editor, follow him on Twitter