Amberly and Matt are a couple who DJ together as LYTT, taking the moniker from the final two letters of each of their names.
Rather than work away in dive bars, pay their dues playing to uninterested pubs and empty dancefloors, they’ve launched a Kickstarter so you can fund their ticket to the big time.
It features a subheading so meaninglessly prosaic that your eyes will have glazed over before you even get past it to the description: “We believe in a modern musical movement! We aim to share it all across the globe”. See.
Now, readjust your focus, and behold the truly unfathomable wonders of the LYTT Tour Kickstarter.
The American pair, who list their key demographic as EDM fans aged between 18 to 24, want to raise $108,500 (close to £77,450). This is so they can set out on tour across the world, making stops in Ibiza, Amsterdam, Berlin (at "Bargain"), Zurich, Rome, Florence, Milan, Abu Dhabi, Tokyo, Sydney, Miami, São Paulo and Buenos Aires over the course of a year.
Under the “Risk and challenges” section of their crowdfunding entry, they note: “LYTT has connections and can be booked in many places around the world. The problem they are facing is they need to build their following and grow more of a fan base to start pulling in big money.”
Essentially, they’re saying if you throw heaps of money at EDM promoters they will book basically anyone - who knew?
Accompanying the plea, LYTT have made a reasonably high budget video, shot across multiple locations including a sprawling nature reserve, which tells of their noble mission in a style so saccharine it will have your eyes watering and lips pursing.
“I like to think how music, kinda, actually brought us together, in a way, we, er, definitely share that passion - passion for music, and passion for each other,” says Amberly, decisively. Matt lists their inspirations as “each other” and “just like the emotion of the time which you’re going through at the time”.
In between their wisdom, clips of the couple caressing each other and snogging behind the decks in clubs is interspersed, backed by an an unpleasant EDM soundtrack which is credited as a LYTT remix of “Vocal from ‘Come Forward’ by Crux Pistols ft. Lazee”.
But LYTT are not just asking for handouts, oh no, there are rewards for people who pledge money to their cause.
For a mere $100 you “Get a download card, a T-shirt, a sticker, and a signed photo!” (currently 0 backers). $500 gets you a “Greeting Goodie Bag” (0 backers), which appears to just be the same as the $100 reward except you get a keychain and CD as well. Seriously, a CD.
For a whopping $7,500 they offer “DJ equipment & lesson”, which is not even in person; it’s a video lesson. Red text warns that this is “Limited”, so hurry now, because there’s only 20 out of 20 left in the reward that currently has 0 backers.
At time of writing, LYTT have raised £23 of their £77,450 goal, with 10 days to go. And that’s even in light of the duo attempting to assuage the fears of wary investors by asserting: “Amberly and Matthew are smart, they have acquired the knowledge and skill of the music and music business.”
Honestly, we’re struggling to work out if its a hoax or delusion like a real life Roll Safe.
Fascinating stuff. Try and decide for yourself and visit the Kickstarter here.
Patrick Hinton is Mixmag's Digital Staff Writer, if you fancy chucking him an obscene amount of money for no real reason then contact him on Twitter