The Brits: We sat through the ceremony so you didn't have to

9.16pm Best International Male Solo. Drake wins. He's not here. Shock. Don't blame him, he's been playing at the O2 for about a year it seems. Anyway, he's really buying into this whole UK/LDN thing, isn't he? He's wearing a Stone Island jumper in his acceptance vid and greets the crowd with "Wagwan London". BBK pal Skepta gets sent love before the best bit of all: "Sorry I couldn't be here, I had to go to Brum". Brum! Seriously!?

9.17pm WTF happened there!? Beyoncé and A Tribe Called Quest scoop Best International Female and Best International Group, but there's no vid speeches and things quickly move on. Still, at least #BritsSoWhite has been watered down a bit with those winners.

9.18pm The special guests are on. We're excited. Who could it be? Oh, you've got the be kidding. It's Coldplay and The Chainsmokers. Really. That's who have been kept under wraps. Wow. Yeah I mean this like the seventh stage of hell. Coldplay. Enough said. But The Chainsmokers of "#SELFIE' fame as well. At least we have Stella. Sweet, sweet Stella. BTW, Chris Martin really is one of the most boring musicians around.

9.20pm It has to be said. The lights are absolutely incredible. Swap The Chainsmokers for Ben Klock and Marcel Dettmann and then we're talking. Chris Martin says thank you as he leaves and we say thank you for leaving. At least Robbie Williams is coming up.

9.29pm One Direction win Best Video as Simon Cowell, their manager, presents it and it's an ITV love in. Liam is the only one who can be bothered to be collect it.

9.31pm Ed Sheeran is on stage. He's belting it out. Not on the same level as Skeppy, but he's an impressive talent. There's no denying he's a force to be reckoned with. Just pray he doesn't bring out The Chainsmokers.

9.36pm He didn't bring out The Chainsmokers, but he did bring Stormzy out and it's going OFF. Next level. Big bars from Stormzy in between Ed's verses of 'Shape Of You'. A big performance from both. Ed closes the performance with "buy Stormzy's new album on Friday". They're good mates and you can see that. Sheeran isn't for everyone, but that was fun.

9.42pm Album of the Year goes to Bowie's posthumous 'Blackstar'. You can't argue with the late musician's legacy, but it does beg the question. Are we stuck in the stone ages here? Skepta won the Mercury Prize with 'Konnichiwa', so it would have been nice to follow that up with a win at the Brits. Shame.

9.45pm Here comes ROBBIE.

9.49pm Little to no dance music affiliation, but my god he's a British institution. The British Icon award for good reason. I pray he plays 'Rock DJ' or "Millennium'.

10pm Main event has finished. It's off to the afterparty to see how it really goes down. Robbie did just play 'Feel' though.

10pm - ??? What happens at the afters, stays at the afters ;)