The Brits: We sat through the ceremony so you didn't have to
A minute-by-minute rundown of the UK's 'biggest' awards ceremony
The Brit Awards, the UK's biggest and best showcase of homegrown talent. Well, kinda.
Every year we plonk ourselves in front of the TV with a glass of wine and a ready meal to feast upon the historic awards ceremony and this year was no different, except for us. This year we made it. We'd finally got ourselves some tickets for the actual event and boy were we excited.
It was a fun night out that's for sure, if only Chris Martin hadn't have shown up to spoil things. Skepta smashed it, Stormzy and Ed owned it and a dancer dressed as a house fell of the stage while dancing for Katy Perry. Big.
Here's our minute-by-minute update of exactly what happened, and we mean down to a tee. We sat through the ceremony to bring you the most detailed guide to the Brits of all time.
Funster is Mixmag's Deputy Digital Editor and Dave is Mixmag's Digital News Editor and they drank enough free gin cocktails last night to warrant a call home to their parents, follow them on Twitter here and here
7pm We queue at B entrance.
7.20pm We get sent to H entrance
7.30pm We get sent from H back to B.
7.35pm We've fucking missed Little Mix.
7.40pm We get sent from B to E. This is getting long now.
7.45pm Oh, don't tell us we've fucking missed Bruno Mars now. Damn.
7.50pm. We sit down. We get in. 1975 have just won something and we're finally settled. About fucking time.
7.52pm Who are The 1975 again?
7.55pm Best British Male Solo Artist goes to David Bowie. No complaints here. It seems fitting that one of the greatest Brits that's ever lived wins big at the Brits.
8pm Emeli Sandé has performed. Pretty good to be honest. Visuals are mad and we're sipping on a Stella so no complaints yet. Other than the fact we've missed Little Mix and Mars. Fuming.
8.05pm Dermot O'Leary is the crispiest man in the room. He's pretty cool, if not a tad dry.
8.10pm Here we go. Stormzy and Skepta up for Best Breakthrough Award. Are we going to see the grime stars win big? Nah.
8.13pm Rag & Bone Man wins. Really? Fair play, but we were on a Skepta win. Even though he's not really a breakthrough artist, is he?
8.20pm Oh, here are The 1975. Do we really have to do this?
8.23pm Average.
8.30pm It's time for a George Michael tribute and we're really on this. An emotional, heartfelt speech from his Wham! bandmate Andrew Ridgeley and dancers. It's a fitting eulogy for an amazing man.
8.40pm Chris Martin starts singing some George Michael ballads. There are a couple of duff notes to start with and you can tell he's missing his piano. Michael's vocals in the background are sentimental and moving, though. The man truly was a great and it's hard not to get a little choked up.
8.51pm Best British Single next. No one we really follow. Coldplay are nominated, but after that performance by frontman Martin, it shouldn't be them. Oh wait. Calvin Harris is nominated...
8.53pm IT'S LITTLE MIX. AHHHHH. CROWD GOES WILD. LITTLE MIX. YEAHHHHHHHHHH. "Cheers to our exes. This one's for you, lads." Go on, girls!
8.55pm Katy Perry has come on stage. It's full of little houses that move around. It's an impressive setup for an impressive pop star. She's working it more than anyone else has so far. But it is weird, very fucking weird.
8.58pm Ok so none of this makes sense. The houses are walking around, there are giant skeletons wandering around on stage with fireworks coming out of their hands and Katy Perry is sprinting around. It's all pretty mad. Another Stella in, though. (It turns out the oversized skeletons were supposed to be Donald Trump and Theresa May. Could have fooled us, but we respect the fact you've tried to do something a little bit controversial this year, Katy).
9.01pm Dermot introduces Jonathan Ross and Naomi Campbell to present the Global Success award to Adele. "One's a model, one's a supermodel." No one really gets the joke. Tough crowd. Adele's not going to perform, is she? Oh my god! Is she? No. To be fair, for one of the richest musicians in the world, she's still so bloody humble. "I feel like I'm gonna be sent back to Tottenham," she says in her acceptance speech. She's not. For now, she's "somewhere pretty dry, hence the fake bush behind me" Joker.
9.07pm Skepta is on and it's the highlight so far. No fancy stage setup. No props. Just Skeppy in the middle of the arena with a deep red background, flames blowing up and a huge rendition of 'Shutdown'. An anti-establishment track at the UK music industry's glitziest showcase. He doesn't give a fuck.
9.16pm Best International Male Solo. Drake wins. He's not here. Shock. Don't blame him, he's been playing at the O2 for about a year it seems. Anyway, he's really buying into this whole UK/LDN thing, isn't he? He's wearing a Stone Island jumper in his acceptance vid and greets the crowd with "Wagwan London". BBK pal Skepta gets sent love before the best bit of all: "Sorry I couldn't be here, I had to go to Brum". Brum! Seriously!?
9.17pm WTF happened there!? Beyoncé and A Tribe Called Quest scoop Best International Female and Best International Group, but there's no vid speeches and things quickly move on. Still, at least #BritsSoWhite has been watered down a bit with those winners.
9.18pm The special guests are on. We're excited. Who could it be? Oh, you've got the be kidding. It's Coldplay and The Chainsmokers. Really. That's who have been kept under wraps. Wow. Yeah I mean this like the seventh stage of hell. Coldplay. Enough said. But The Chainsmokers of "#SELFIE' fame as well. At least we have Stella. Sweet, sweet Stella. BTW, Chris Martin really is one of the most boring musicians around.
9.20pm It has to be said. The lights are absolutely incredible. Swap The Chainsmokers for Ben Klock and Marcel Dettmann and then we're talking. Chris Martin says thank you as he leaves and we say thank you for leaving. At least Robbie Williams is coming up.
9.29pm One Direction win Best Video as Simon Cowell, their manager, presents it and it's an ITV love in. Liam is the only one who can be bothered to be collect it.
9.31pm Ed Sheeran is on stage. He's belting it out. Not on the same level as Skeppy, but he's an impressive talent. There's no denying he's a force to be reckoned with. Just pray he doesn't bring out The Chainsmokers.
9.36pm He didn't bring out The Chainsmokers, but he did bring Stormzy out and it's going OFF. Next level. Big bars from Stormzy in between Ed's verses of 'Shape Of You'. A big performance from both. Ed closes the performance with "buy Stormzy's new album on Friday". They're good mates and you can see that. Sheeran isn't for everyone, but that was fun.
9.42pm Album of the Year goes to Bowie's posthumous 'Blackstar'. You can't argue with the late musician's legacy, but it does beg the question. Are we stuck in the stone ages here? Skepta won the Mercury Prize with 'Konnichiwa', so it would have been nice to follow that up with a win at the Brits. Shame.
9.45pm Here comes ROBBIE.
9.49pm Little to no dance music affiliation, but my god he's a British institution. The British Icon award for good reason. I pray he plays 'Rock DJ' or "Millennium'.
10pm Main event has finished. It's off to the afterparty to see how it really goes down. Robbie did just play 'Feel' though.
10pm - ??? What happens at the afters, stays at the afters ;)
