10 things you don't want to hear in the club

Uh-oh, we're in trouble here, people. This could spell the end of our happiness and frivolity on the dancefloor. Somebody grab cushions, Enya's discography and a quiet, darkened room – basically, anywhere but the club. Picture the scene: you're having an absolute ball in the rave, all your mates are full of energy and seemingly nothing can worsen the mood. You're having a dance and someone thrusts a key in front of your nose, so you sniff. It feels weird, it feels sharp, it smells like regret. Here comes the line you don't want to hear: "Shit, that was ket". Game over. You're not big on the horse stuff and you know it's not going to be a good few hours. You think "what a fucking wasteman" before flying around feeling like a unicorn.