What your Bestival fancy dress says about you

The Bad Taste

The outfit: Reaching its peak at Bestival in the late 00s when the death of Steve Irwin launched a thousand safari suit costumes with a stingray attached to the front, the bad taste effort usually requires a passing knowledge of current affairs or celebrity culture, at least enough to know which well loved public figure has died in an embarrassing or autoerotic accident recently or been revealed as a closet paedophile. Hugely misjudged racial and national stereotypes also come loosely under this heading.

The wearer: The quality of the outfit will go a long way to sorting the satirical from the needlessly offensive. Put it this way: there's a thin line between a dark and cruelly inventive sense of humour and just being the hundredth dickhead at a festival dressed as Jimmy Savile.

See also 'The Topical'

The Grouper

The outfit: Two options here: the costume that really only works (or works much better) when part of a collective in complementary outfits (Mr Blue from Reservoir Dogs is just a guy in a black suit unless he's walking in slow motion with his six buddies, Mario looks lost without Luigi and the Princess) or the 'team' outfits – platoon of toy soldiers with green faces, air stewardesses, power rangers etc. Get it wrong and there's a bit of a stag / hen party vibe either way.

The wearer: Depends really. While joining in with the plan denotes a sense of esprit de corps and touching team bond, it can also show a lack of confidence and individuality (where better to hide than in a crowd of people dressed as ninjas?). And the person who came up with the idea / coordinates the team is almost certainly a power crazed megalomaniac who should be watched carefully.

See also 'The Couple'

The Wish Fulfillment

The outfit: Perhaps the most anthropologically elegant and psychologically revealing of all fancy dress phenomena, the Wish Fulfillment simply involves dressing up as a person or thing that you would like to be. With adult aspirations like wealth, sexual potency and educational and career success rarely translating into photogenic costume, it's easier to return to the dreams of childhood. Common Wish Fulfillment costumes include the Train Driver, the Knight in Armour, the King / Princess, Doctor, Rock Star, Movie Idol, Wizard, Vampire, DJ and various animals.

The wearer: While this is fancy dress at its most liberating, bear in mind that it can occasionally bring out feelings and desires perhaps best left repressed. Be wary of anyone dressed as a policeman or Jigsaw from the SAW movies. And NEVER have casual festival sex with a girl dressed as a bride.

See also: 'The Cross Dresser'

The Enhancing

The outfit: The subject thinks to themselves 'I bet I'd look cute dressed as a cheerleader / cowboy / fireman' and selects their costume appropriately. Also comes with a less self-confident version i.e. 'I hate my squinty little eyes / knobbly knees, stringy facial wart, so I'll get a costume that covers them / it up'.

The wearer: Two equally narcissistic sides of the same coin, they're rather missing out on the creative and liberating possibilities of fancy dress. But then again, they look great. Liable to overdo the selfies and sulk excessively if it rains and their costume gets ruined.

See also: 'The Sexy One'

The Sexy One

The outfit: Revealing, hypersexual and usually reserved for the brave and the beautiful, this includes pretty much every costume with more body paint than fabric. The rubbish option is the kind of tacky Anne Summers style abominations that include sexy nurses, French maids and tight fitting sailor suits.

The wearer: While definitely adding to the overall aesthetic of the festival, their generous exhibitionism can mask a cruel streak (i.e. making the rest of us feel ugly and oddly shaped). Hard to dislike for long, though.

See also: 'The Professional Dancer'

The Impractical

The outfit: A full gorilla suit on a hot summers day. A two-person pantomime horse. Any costume that limits your arm movement so you can't eat or drink (we're looking at you, Optimus Prime). Any costume that requires welding, scaffolding or a team of assistants to put on. Any costume that is too big to fit in a festival portaloo.

The wearer: This person clearly values the impact of their fancy dressover anything else, even their enjoyment of the party and personal health and hygiene. For that, they should be saluted. Just remember, if they fall on their back and can't get up, or their stilts get caught in the mud and they get stranded, you must leave them behind. It's the only way they'll learn.

See also: 'The Stilt Walker'