Six things we can't wait to do on the MDRNTY Cruise

Before you take into consideration the fact that you'll be on a cruise ship, yeah, a fucking great big cruise liner, it's a festival first and foremost. As with any festival, the most important factor is the music and the line-up is packing a serious punch. There's a clear focus on stripped back tech, house and techno with a few nice surprises thrown in. There are the big dons on show like Papa Sven, Ben Klock, Dixon and Jamie Jones but they're coupled with a satisfying array of underground artists like Dewalta b2b Mike Shannon, Bill Patrick and Dana Ruh. There's five stages that we're told will roll throughout and there's even a Fuse London showcase on one day, a prospect we're really excited about. As far as line-ups go, it'll keep anyone with an urge to dance as happy as can be.

We’ve all been there. You’ve gone a little too hard early-doors at a multi-night event and now you’re slowly dying under some foreign covers, finishing off last night’s lukewarm pizza and contemplating why you’re still alone at the age of 36. How the fuck are you possibly going to get yourself up for the next night of festivities? Thankfully, MDRNTY isn’t Glastonbury and there’s an entire section to be relaxed, pampered and re-energised. The ship’s award-winning MSC Aurea Spa offers traditional Balinese massages and the latest beauty treatments. In other words: say hello to the best hangover cure in the seven seas. Anyone fancy a sauna after Sven?

Sport, exercise, fitness – they aren’t words most people would assume with a festival where drinking and partying is the order of the day (although dancing certainly helps shed the pounds). But, once again, with the MDRNTY cruise, things are a little different and tbh we fancy ourselves as Michael Jordan-esque. That’s why we’ll be headed down to the basketball court after three beers and attempting to dunk on each other. Then once we’ve efficiently rolled our ankles and torn our ACLs it’s on to the onboard bowling alley for a more leisurely activity. For once, we won’t be the only thing absolutely skittled in the place.

While the cruise is obviously the main part of this, er, cruise, we are absolutely fizzing for the stops at various beautiful seaside towns. At Ibiza, Barcelona and Mallorca we’ll be stopping for around five hours of in and out partying. As they say, we’re here for a good time, not a long time. Seriously, it can only carnage right? We're finally going to feel like pirates did in the old days but without all the problematic bad shit. Plus there's the potential to take wagers on who will and who won't make it back on to the boat in time...

No matter how good a festival is, there always seems to be a slight lull over the course of the event. In most cases this usually means a stroll back to your tent to reload on booze and other bits but in the case of MDRNTY, there's so much to do even if you're all partied out. Picture the scene: it's 3am, you've been rocking and swaying on the party deck for about 8 hours and because the bars are all inclusive, not only are you drunk, you have loads of money left in your wallet. That can only mean one thing right? A trip to the casino with the gang to splurge a bit of dosh. Gambling with Guy Gerber, roulette with Rossko, poker with Paul Ritch. The list goes on. A flutter in the high-end, state-of-the-art casino sounds like great fun but when the fun stops, you stop. Or something like that. See you at the slot machines.

This one speaks for itself. Around the clock, non-stop food and drinks. We're talking 12 bars, five different themed restaurants and it's all free, included within your ticket price. That's arguably better than every DJ on the line-up combined. We're joking but it's going to add to experience knowing we can roll through to a Chinese buffet with a free pint of beer and reload when we need. It's the best way to keep fresh and limber for five days of electronic brilliance. WE CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU MDRNTY.