A local’s guide to Miami

SOUTH BEACH / SOBE

It’s very important to note that Miami Beach is an island. When tourists imagine Miami, this is what they picture. The Southern half of the island is connected to mainland Miami by three main bridges, and is home to Miami’s most famous clubs and hotels. Do not expect to make multiple trips between the Beach and the main-land in a day. If you venture to take a car, give yourself at least an hour for travel and parking. ‘SoBe’ is very touristy, very expensive, and often EDM-centric. SoBe megaclubs like LIV, Story, and Icon (formerly Mansion) require guests to meet a strict dress code. A walk along hotel-lined Collins Avenue is the perfect way to party hop and is your best bet for insane people watching.

WYNWOOD

Wynwood is a fast-growing feast of the senses, full of after-hours life and breathtaking art at every corner. Muralists travel from all over the world to leave their mark. It’s a compact area full of restaurants, bars, breweries, clubs, galleries, and boutiques. Bardot and the Electric Pickle are small in capacity, but fans count on cutting-edge acts and label showcases in the indie, experimental dance, and deep house worlds. Wood Tavern, Gramps, and Cafeina are three bar/lounges that get in on the festival action, turning outdoor spaces into makeshift venus to host national acts. The Mana Wynwood Production Village is rented out for large-scale performances with big production values, including Life & Death last year, and the rest of the district is rife with pop-up concerts and venues. Dirtybird has used the neighbourhood for its annual showcase the past three years running.

DOWNTOWN

HARD, Fool’s Gold, and the Windish Agency have made Downtown their favourite spot in recent years, although their preferred club, Grand Central, was recently demolished. Downtown’s Northeast 11th Street has picked up the nightlife pieces. Cocktail bar The Corner stays open until 8AM, while the cosy Libertine shares a 24-hour alcohol license with its neighbour Club Space and stays open until ‘whenever’. Space is beloved of DJs from Eric Prydz to Markus Schulz and Paul van Dyk, and is renowned for sunrise sets spanning six hours or more on its second-floor Terrace. In 2015 it opened a sister club named Heart, so far hosting acts from Duke Dumont to Gesaffelstein. Over the street is E11even, a 24-hour, seven-days-a-week party palace and strip club. Its Sunday night Hard 2 Leave parties, usually on the final night of Ultra, are known for huge DJ bookings and debauched fun.

[Photos: visionseven.co.uk, Rex]

◙ Don’t walk around or take pictures in the middle of the street. Drivers here are insane, they don’t use their turn signals, and they already think you’re stupid
◙ Don’t throw your trash anywhere but in a garbage can
◙ Brush up on your basic Spanish. It’s possible your drivers won’t speak any English
◙ Be polite. Most of the locals are trying to work, and they’re kind of mad you’re here. They’ll be nicer to you if you’re nice to them

◙ Sriracha House A late-night noodle bar on South Beach with plenty of vegetarian and vegan options and a wall of different srirachas
◙ La Moon This late-night snack food diner in Brickell specialises in Columbian hot dogs
◙ La Sandwicherie Local favourite late-night French sandwich and smoothie bar in Brickell and South Beach
◙ Enriqueta’s Authentic Cuban diner in Wynwood serving breakfast and lunch only
◙ Latin Cafe 2000 Traditional Latin- American cuisine serving east of Wynwood and South Beach
◙ Gigi’s, Wynwood Late-night, Asian-inspired urban dining averaging $15 a plate
◙ Zak The Baker, Wynwood Kosher bakery and cafe serving daily specials and sandwiches on fresh-baked bread
◙ Coyo Taco, Wynwood Hip Mexican street food and house-made tequila bar with a dance space in the back
◙ Manolo & Rene Cafeteria, Downtown 24-hour street food bar serving authentic Cuban coffee and sandwiches

◙ Bayside An outdoor mall and flea market Downtown full of chain restaurants and photo opps for cruise tourists
◙ Lincoln Road A high-end outdoor mall with speciality shops and overpriced restaurants on South Beach. Unless you want to go on a shopping spree, there’s nothing for you here

◙ Download the Pay By Phone and Parkmobile apps for no hassle street parking
◙ Do not leave your valuables in sight after you park. People here will jack your shit
◙ Use Uber or Lyft apps to get around by car as opposed to unregulated taxis, but be prepared for insane surge pricing and hours spent in traffic
◙ Uber boat is a new, novelty way to get across the Bay and skip the traffic
◙ Avoid traffic, parking fees, tickets, and towers completely by renting a bike at a local bike shop. A one-time month’s membership of Citi Bike is $35, with pick-up and drop-off locations throughout South Beach, Downtown and Wynwood

◙ Eternity Roasters Downtown coffee shop serving pour-over style
◙ Panther Coffee Wynwood coffee shop serving breakfast and snacks
◙ The Cafe at Books And Books South Beach and Downtown locations

◙ Mac’s Club Deuce One of Miami’s last remaining dives and oldest bars still operated by its centenarian owner, serving cold, cheap beer and booze with a pool table, located in the heart of South Beach, and definitely not playing dance music
◙ Churchill’s Pub English-style pub playing punk music and serving bar food with pool tables and a smoking area out back. Again, no EDM DJs
◙ Key Biscayne A scenic, southern lighthouse-strewn beach with a quiet, family-friendly atmosphere. A local favourite that most tourists don’t know

◙ Enjoying a Cuban coffee: cafe con leche for those with a sweet tooth or a tiny cafecito when you need a bolt of energy, stat. Grab an empeñada and a pressed cubano sandwich while you’re at it, and you’re good to party for another 12 hours
◙ Attending a day party on a yacht, or at the very least a pool party at a SoBe hotel. There will be plenty
◙ Eating a Publix sub
◙ Smoking weed in public, because literally no-one cares
◙ Blowing all your cash at a world-class strip club like E11even in downtown, hip hop’s famous King of Diamonds, or the neighbouring Scarlett’s
◙ Taking a new profile picture at Wynwood Walls
◙ Partying well into the morning and going straight to brunch

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