10 ways to discreetly Shazam in the club

Mobile phones are fucking amazing these days, aren't they? Want to order some food? You can do it with a few taps of your screen. Want to book a train? Just do it in 30 seconds on the blower. But without doubt, one of the most impressive apps and most popular with music fans around the world is Shazam. The music identifier can pick up millions of songs once you hit that circling 'S' in the middle of your screen, unearthing gems that you've wanted in your collection for ages.

In the club, it's an absolute godsend. Picture this: you're completely smashed and LOVING the tune that's rolling around the room. Once you get Shazam on it, you may be lucky enough to find what you were so desperately looking for. Unfortunately, that blue light radiating out of your phone is a beacon of uncool. People frown upon the use of Shazam in the rave. They think it's tacky or that it defeats the object of enjoying a night out. "Be in the moment man" and "Ergh, you're not one of those people, are you?" are just some of the phrases bandied about. Don't get us started on navigating the 'no phones in the club' rule.

Just so you can avoid any unnecessary trouble, we've compiled a handy list of ways to discreetly Shazam in the club. Impress your friends with these wicked techniques and be the envy of your fellow dancers. Thank us later.

Funster is Mixmag's Deputy Digital Editor, he racks up an average of 150 Shazams per weekend, follow him here

Louis Anderson-Rich is Mixmag's Digital Intern and he's been kicked out of Berghain 15 times for Shazamming, follow him here

A controversial technique and perhaps the most commonly deployed. If you are using the text method then the phone should be held somewhere between your belly button and your neck. Clutch it in two hands while adopting a facial expression that suggests a difficult decision between replying with one word or a four-page thesis. Meanwhile, the brightness needs to be turned down as low as possible so that blue tinge on your face is minimal. Finally, a light sway to indicate a high level of intoxication will help the authentic look of The Texter.

This is your bread and butter of club Shazaming, your go-to if you like. It’s as simple as it sounds, you carry on your dancing as you were, fire your Shazam up and place it in your hand with the screen facing towards you. To the people around, they think you’re fucking bossing it on the dancefloor while acting like a responsible raver. Little do they know you’re discovering the gem that’s sent you into overdrive. For the seasoned Shazammer, you can tie this one in with the ‘Show Off’ which means turning the phone around with your tongue out to show people what you’re actually doing. That’s pro-level Shazamming, though, and also quite shameless.

In London, it’s standard practice to pick up an Evening Standard or a Metro when you’re going to or from the Underground to get your train. Your hands are full but you want to read it when you sit down. Where do you put the newspaper? Under your arm, of course, like a true professional. The same can be said for a dancefloor Shazam. You’ve got a drink in one hand and the other is occupied with a stiff gunfinger in the air, so to find out what’s shelling down the rave, you stick your phone under your arm like the Metro and no-one bats an eyelid. Remember to have the speaker on your phone facing the DJ, though, otherwise you’ll identify the nonsense being chatted behind you. Track name: “Breeze” Artist: Waffle Blower”.

Forgive me father for I have Shazammed. When it comes to club sins, firing up that blue light in someone’s face ranks highly alongside watered-down cocktails and farting on the dancefloor. But there is a way to keep your Shazam form holy and save your soul from further damnation. Just simply slide your phone (speaker end up) into your front shirt pocket (works best with short sleeves) and hit the button. It might not stop a bullet, but it’ll get you the ID on that 18-year-old garage track.

Possibly the most harmless and obvious way to Shazam, but an absolute keeper nonetheless. This one pairs together a discrete itch of the back of the head with an easy track identifier with the phone’s speaker well in range of the sound. Careful not to use this one more than once or twice on the dancefloor. Your friends and dancers in the vicinity will either think you have a serious case of headlice or that you’re starting the dance to the 'Macarena' over and over again. At the very least they’ll think you’ve got no substance for starting a popular dance move and not finishing it. Whatever they think, it’s a nice, discrete way to find that track you’ve been pining after. Can also be transformed into a reverse backhand fist pump, but the brightness on your phone needs to be low to avoid suspicion.

It’s not wireless headphones nor is it the ability to take slo-mo videos. No, the best feature of a mobile phone has, and always will be, being used as a tool to get out of boring conversations and social occasions with people we don’t like. The art of feigning a call is so commonplace there are Wikihow articles dedicated to the subject, and apps that will help call you with a fake emergency to get you out of a jam. But enough about the narcissistic and increasingly isolated fabric of modern society, how does this factor into the club? Simple: if you’re a popular guy or gal taking a phone call in the club it's no biggie. So just fire-up Shazam, chuck it up to your ear and say something like “I just need to go and find Barry, he's been kicked out again" to your mates.

No matter how good the party and no matter how outrageous the DJ on deck is, if you’re a smoker, a cigarette during a club night is almost completely unavoidable. The cruel embrace that those little white sticks has is both a blessing and a curse. It’s a nasty habit, but, my God, a ciggie when you’re smashed is a dream. So you need a smoke, but you want the tune playing before you leave the rave. Simple solution: you wrap your phone in your rolling tobacco, get Shazam firing and prepare your mid-game smoke while getting what you need. It’s covert and leads into the question “who wants a cig?” nicely. Once you get to the smoking area you can also brag to your mates that you managed to find the last tune played. Double. Whammy.

What’s in a name? Well, only your new favourite way of Shazamming tracks ever. A slightly more awkward and less secure, but infinitely cooler cousin of the backhand, this technique is all in the grip. Just as Spidey shoots his webs, you can reel in sick IDs while looking very, very cool. Simply hold your phone with your second and third fingers while making the devil’s horns gesture and flick your wrists our from your body at regular intervals while making ‘pew pew’ sounds (OK, the sounds might make you a little less cool). Our Shazam senses are tingling just writing this down.

This technique involves two important factors. Firstly, do you have the correct T-shirt on? You’ll need a thick cottoned, high quality T-shirt for this to work. Flimsy linen V-necks will only result in your phone unraveling from your clothes, falling to the floor and getting fresh cracks on the screen. Secondly, do you smoke? If you don’t then people are going to wonder why you’ve taken up such a bad habit. The less questions when Shazamming, the better. Of course, the healthy alternative to The James Dean is taking one of those jogging straps with you to the club and popping your phone in that under your clothes. It’s called the Gwyneth Paltrow.

We all know them, those mates who can actually fall asleep in the club despite the music being banging and the club being stupidly rowdy. They find a nice quiet spot, lay their head and catch a few winks while they’re supposed to be busy dancing with the squad. One constant with these people is that they always moan the next day about missing the music and not remembering anything. No shit, you were snoring in the corner, pal. Well, here comes Shazam to save the day. Before you or your friend hit the hay, get Shazam on auto (a battery drainer but also a useful function) stick it under your hand to rest on and slip away into the sweet serenity of sleep. The phone will pick up as many tracks as it recognises and you’ll wake with a good idea of what the DJ was actually doing. Make sure that grip is tight, though, otherwise phone thieves will be off with your mobile and your tunes. Fucking bastards.